The Turtle Reads

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The Turtle Reads
The Turtle Reads logo
Hosted byMelissa Diaz, Clay Foreman
Opening themeN/A
No. of seasons1
No. of episodes8 (so far)
Original release29 December 2022 – present
Related showsMelissaTime!

Publisher Description

Melissa Diaz and Clay Foreman boldly go where no nerds have gone before in this deep dive into Terry Pratchett's Discworld Universe and beyond

Further Information


  • A casual discussion in the “chumcast” style - i.e. it's a largely unedited recording of a conversation between friends with no particular structure or attempt to stick to topic. (For this reason we’ve put them in the “other appearances” listings on the book pages.)
  • The hosts often stray into “edgy” territory. One version of episode three's description notes that it discusses suicide.
  • Since episode 18, “The Ones Who Walk Away From Skankfest”, has been covering other books and comics instead of Discworld novels.


  • Some episodes spend a lot of time on general chat before they get to the book, while some get there a lot quicker.
  • Episodes five through seven were, according to the numbering in the media filenames, released in reverse order. This might make sense of the reading order.


  • Melissa Diaz - a stand-up comedian based in the Bronx, New York; not clear if she's read Discworld before
  • Clay Foreman - a French Canadian from Nova Scotia; an existing Discworld fan, who is choosing which books they read


The table below indexes episodes of this podcast. They are listed by default in release order, and we've used the numbering from the podcast feed (though see trivia entry above).

# Episode Title Date Book/Subject Guest(s) External link DW#[1]
1 “Soul Music and the Hogfather” 2022-12-09 Soul Music and Hogfather 16
2 “Christmas Movies: Hogfather > Die Hard?” 2023-01-20 Terry Pratchett's Hogfather and Hogfather 20
3 “Small Gods and Dolphins with Down Syndrome”[2] 2023-01-20 Small Gods 13
4 “Thief of Time versus ADHD” 2023-02-27 Thief of Time 26
5 “Ballerina Fish and Sourcery“ 2023-03-22 Sourcery 5
6 “Chood 'um Light Fantastic“ 2023-03-23 The Light Fantastic 2
7 "Color of Magic Fart Lights” 2023-04-05 The Colour of Magic 1
8 “Holy Wood: Back to Africa” 2023-05-11 Moving Pictures Craig Fergola 10
9 “Raising Steam on 9/11” 2023-06-20 Raising Steam 40
10 “Equal Rites for Witches and Whores” 2023-07-04 Equal Rites 3
11 “HR Ladies Abroad” 2023-07-17 Witches Abroad 12
12 “Lords and Ladies, I just crapped my pants (hold for applause)” 2023-07-31 Lords and Ladies 14
13 “Maskerade of Stupid” 2023-08-14 Maskerade 18
14 “Carpe HR Lady’s Jugulum” 2023-08-28 Carpe Jugulum 23
15 “Wee Wee Men” 2023-09-12 The Wee Free Men 30
16 “The Neverending Podcast Story” 2023-09-25 The Neverending Story
17 “American Cringe” 2023-10-10 American Gods by Neil Gaiman
18 “The Ones Who Walk Away From Skankfest” 2023-10-15 The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas by Ursula K Leguin
19 “Good Omens Guardian Angels and Clay’s New Nickname” 2023-11-08 Good Omens
20 “Sandy Man Volume 1” 2023-11-29 Sandman volume 1 by Neil Gaiman
21 “Sandman: Lucid Dream Nouns” 2024-01-08 Sandman volumes 4 and 5 by Neil Gaiman Jimmy Clifford
22 “The Dark Tower of Comics” 2024-02-01 The Dark Tower by Steven King Craig Fergola


  1. Sort by this column to see episodes in Discworld publication order.
  2. This episode seems to have been re-posted, at least to some podcast directories, on 27 January 2023 with the title “Small Gods Smack a B%tch”. This version adds the new theme song and updates the episode description. Also, a content warning - the revised episode’s description says it contains discussion of suicide.